WHY ANAPHRODISIACS?

Many people are afflicted with problems of unwanted sexual desires, interfering with their work, relationships, and enjoyment of life. You are not alone!

Submitted by Anonymous

I am a 50 year-old male. My wife of 23 years is 54 years old and going through menopause (maybe near post menopause) she is not interested in sex any longer. We have not had any form of sex in the last 5 years. I have survived on fantasy and masturbation, but recently I have found myself attracted to several women, and came very close to having an affair, which my wife found out about. I have found my thoughts focusing more and more on sex and having an affair. I don't want to lose my wife, we have too much history and we have plans for the future. We have been in counseling, but her lack of desire or difference in libido has been considered my problem. Obviously, if I were to use depo-provera it would reduce or eliminate my sex drive. Would the side effects of depo-provera outweigh its use in reducing my libido?

Submitted by Anonymous

Recently I saw a question in this forum that I could relate to. A woman wrote and said she was disatisfied with her extremely high libido, and your answer seemed to suggest that it was not really a problem and that mismatched libidos in the relationship were the concern. I disagree, because I also feel a constant sense of frustration sexually. Masturbation doesn't help, and I can have several orgasms and feel little more satisfied than when I started. When I want sex my partner is happy to oblige most of the time, but my problem is that I don't like feeling constantly aroused! To me it's like being constantly hungry, and seldom satisfied no matter how much is eaten.

Like the woman who posed a similar question, I too have wondered about taking medications with a side effect of libido reduction. I've even tried taking antidepressants that would do this, and the contraceptive pill, but I couldn't tolerate the side effects. If it is a hormonal imbalance what would the treatment for this be?

I am so constantly aroused that I often have very vivid sexual dreams that leave me frustrated, with a compulsion to have to masturbate to relieve this frustration. My life is busy, and I quite simply do not want to feel this constant 'horniness'! I envy women with low libidos, and I feel like a freak for complaining about mine being too high, as it doesn't seem to be an 'acceptable' or legitimate problem for women to have! We're all *supposed* to be seeking increased libidos! Do you have any advice for reducing libido? The only time I recall my libido/level of arousal being low was after major surgery. For about five days after I was not aroused or frustrated! I do think there are other women out there like me, who similarly feel that it's not an acceptable problem to be voicing despite their unhappiness about it. I would be grateful for any help on this!

Submitted by Anonymous

I only wish my wife were more like you. I'm 39 and I've been married for 13 years. I love my wife very much, but I've had to go on testosterone therapy for chronic headaches. As a result, I want her all the time. I try to give her simply affection without sexual intimacy, but the whole time I'm giving her a back rub or just kissing her, I'll be as rigid as wood and want her so bad. It drives me crazy and I'm often up nights with so much sexual energy, I can't sleep. She just gets mad and says I'm making too big a deal out of sex. I don't know what to do to aleviate some of this sexual frustration. I guess if my wife were more like you, we would never leave the house, which would be okay since I work from home....

Submitted by Anonymous

I am a 41 year old fairly attractive gay woman and I have had a high libido since I was a teen-now its higher than ever. Most of the time I think it is great but sometimes it does bother me and I wonder about hormonal imbalance; etc. I have enjoyed an active sex life my whole life yet sometimes wonder if I am beyond "healthy" and enter the state of "addictive" sex... I seem to be more "visual" like men and my sex drive seems to match men more than women. I usually only become bothered by it when I think I am using sex to run from my everyday problems....

Submitted by Anonymous

I am searching for an easily obtainable drug or chemical that will, while it is being used, reduce my sex drive to zero. It can be legal or illegal, but obviously I want minimal side effects.

I am a student and I need to study every spare moment of my waking hours. This is all I care about. Nevermind why.

Unfortunately, as a young man, I have quite normal biological urges: i.e., I daydream or fantasize about young women a great deal, in various compromising scenarios, doing me, etc. You get the picture.

However, all this is time wasted: I need to be paying attention to lectures, reading articles, memorizing facts, etc.

You see, women don't interest me. At all. (Or men or boys, cats, etc.) I can't stop thinking about them, true; but that's only my biology. My conscious deliberative mind has no need for them or for any kind of sex. I even consider masturbation, while preferable to women since it is cheaper and less time-consuming, a nevertheless regrettable waste of time because it eats up vital minutes that could be spent reading or memorizing.

Adding to the problem is the fact that women usually find me attractive. I have tried to deter them by such methods as wearing ragged clothing or shaving my head, but to no avail. Even a mohawk seemed to generate unwelcome interest. The only thing that did seem to work was going for weeks without bathing, but this method exacted a heavy psychological toll and made things difficult in class. Plus, the problem is not really with the women; it's with the way my stupid brain has been hard-wired.

I would get a vasectomy except that: 1) later in life I might have different priorities and wish to procreate, and 2) from what I understand, vasectomies don't remove the desire, which is my real problem.

Physically removing the testicles would, I think, do the trick, but at too high a price. Plus: Yeech.

What about saltpeter? I've heard this "removes the craving." Is this an urban legend? If not, where can I obtain saltpeter and what are its side effects? How is it best ingested?

Please do not answer: "But all this is normal!" I know it's normal! So is death and cancer! That doesn't mean they're what I want, though.

Hence I am forced to seek chemical assistance in subverting the course of nature.

Your help is appreciated.

Submitted by Anonymous

First of all, the chemicals. People have been telling me bromide will do the trick. Unfortunately I'm a wee bit nervous about imbibing a heaping tablespoonful of pure bromide. Plus I wouldn't know where to get it. If you look up this chemical on the internet, it seems like it would be rather harmful to human tissue. So the two problems with the bromide route are that I don't know where to acquire it, and I don't know in what form to ingest it. In fact, I am beginning to suspect the stories of soldiers put off their lust via surreptitious bromide are nothing more than urban fables.

Second: the chemical Medroxyprogesterone seems designed for a woman. Even if it's not, it apparently works by ingesting female hormones into my body, or getting my body to produce some. I'm also uncomfortable with this. I certainly don't want to be a woman or woman-like in any way.

Third: The ritual yoga exercises. Very interesting, very interesting. I looked into these. Basically what they are is a serious of exercises you do several times a day to increase your vitality and longevity. Then there is a special "sixth" exercise designed for those who would like to naturally quell their libido. The problem with these exercises is that it's a solution that would prove to be more time-consuming than the original problem. One has to do these exercises several times a day. It's certainly less trouble to just spend that time chasing -- or worrying about -- girls.

Some on this board have certainly misunderstood me. I certainly have no desire to chop my balls off. That's item number one.

What I would like to do is somehow flip the switch in my brain (chemically, if necessary) that toggles between "INTERESTED IN WOMEN/NOT INTERESTED IN WOMEN." Ideally, I want to be so indifferent to them, that I can pass a row of achingly beautiful women and pay no more heed to them than if they were so many household brooms.

As for the last guy who thinks this all boils down to masturbating too much. No! Not at all. In my view, masturbation is far superior to women because it's cheaper, quicker, and requires less effort. Meaning that I can get back to studying.

But even the masturbation is a bother! My habits personally are, I believe, entirely within reason and under control at the moment, but I would like to go further than that. I don't want to be interested in sex at all, so that even the need to masturbate would be evaporate. I regard even those five or ten minutes every couple of days or so to be a disgraceful waste of time during which I am learning nothing.

My overall goal is simply to study constantly without worrying about any of these animal needs, if you can understand that.

So, for those who comment on this in the future: yes, I am obsessed. But not with sex: with not wasting time.

Submitted by Anonymous

I can relate to your situation gnossie, but for different reasons. I am in a situation where I can't get enough sex and go ballistic inside if a mildly attractive woman walks by.

I am married, happily so I must add. The problem is that my wife does not share my levels of enthusiasm when it comes to sex. Once a month is sufficient for her, when once a day is more my style. I get the distinct impression that she does the necessary evil because she has to and not because she enjoys it. Once or twice a month she will do the sacrifice of undressing and allowing me to do my thing, and pretend to enjoy it.

I love her and don't want to put her through the misery of sex, but the problem is that the less I get it the more I think about it, want it, dream it, taste it, wrestle with it and imagine it (get the picture?). After a week or two in the sexual desert I go crazy inside when a sexy girl walks past, and if she is scantly dressed, well, you can just imagine. I am scared that given the right set of circumstances and level of desire I might not be able to resist an external temptation for sex and thereby risk shipwrecking my marriage. So, one of two things must change:

1. I must discuss it with my wife and she must give me more sex. Simple, yes, and probably what most sex therapists will recommend. But, the result of this will probably be that we have sex twice a week. That means twice a week I must try to fulfill my needs while at the same time knowing that she actually would far rather read a book or watch TV.

or

2. I must somehow get rid of the desire altogether and not care about sex or sexy woman walking past. I will be happy since my continuous frustrations will be a thing of the past, my wife will be happy because she will not have to do the honors, and I will mitigate the risk of stuffing up our relationship because of my desires. Of course I will need to discuss this with her so that she understands my position and understands why I can suddenly go to bed without pestering her.

For me option 2 seems the better choice, the problem is the means to achieve this. As with you I am not interested in damaging my body in any way. I also just want the proverbial light switch that I can toggle at will or, as in my case, leave on the 'off' position until further notice. So, it seems we sit in the same position awaiting that straight-forward, safe, easy and socially acceptable solution for switching off the male sex drive.

I will watch this space in eager anticipation...

Submitted by Anonymous

I am a 53 year old woman that have only recently experienced the same thing - I'm suddenly horny as hell all the time. I think the reason is that I am on bio-identical hormones that have testosterone in it that is causing this as I have never been this way in my entire life.

So the answer is to get your hormone levels checked at your Dr.'s office (simple blood test) and perhaps he can prescribe Progesterone and or Estrogen to counteract this. I firmly believe it is an excess amount of Testosterone in your system.

Submitted by Anonymous

I would like any pill that would all together kill my sex drive. It would improve my life more than words can explain. I would like to know some names of these drugs?

Submitted by Anonymous

This is a topic which is largely overlooked, because the media industry focuses on men & women who want to increase their drive and/or performance. Lots of us want to "crank down" our sex drives, or in some cases eliminate them altogether.

Testosterone is a major culprit in overactive libidos. Testosterone triggers the areas of the brain that control male erections and female lubrication. Controlling t-levels can be tricky, however.

Some women & men experience a "natural" reduction in testosterone as they age. Many do not.

Forget about anti-depressants -- they don't alter hormone levels, they merely create "disconnects" in the brain by preventing seratonin reuptake. These disconnects mainly interfere with male erections and female lubrication, and make it harder to concentrate on achieving orgasm. They don't reduce libido much, if at all. They merely leave you horny with a decreased ability to relieve the situation.

Women can sometimes "offset" elevated testosterone levels by the addition of the female hormones found in birth control pills/injections/patches. But estrogen can also sometimes be converted to testosterone within the body, so it doesn't work for everyone.

Submitted by Anonymous

I'm having a bit of a high libido frustration, too. I am a woman, 29, and happily married, but I think about and want sex a lot. I'm on an ssri for depression (Celexa), but it wasn't until today that I've considered asking my gp about it. I think I'm a bit embarrassed. Maybe my therapist can lead me in the right direction. It's nice to hear I'm not the only woman like this.

Submitted by Anonymous

I struggle with a high libido also, in fact it drives me crazy sometimes! Although this isnt going to console anyone, I have to say that I am relieved to know that others are affected by what I call a disease, thought I was alone with it - thank goodness I'm not. It consumes me & disturbs me!I am a 38year old female, divorced, ( no partner currently ) -the brief relationships I have had havent been successful in terms of sexual compatability, partners have said they felt inadequate & intimidated by my libido, have thought that I am a nymphomaniac which I am not!-Im sick of It to be honest! - When I masturbate, having one orgasm isnt enough. Being a busy working mum means that my time is limited & I end up being extremely frustrated which in turn affects me emotionally. I too have lucid sexual fantasies, & even now I am aroused for no reason. I recently went to my GP to see If I could get some help but it would seem not ! Dont know if having a partner would help & whilst seeking a partner do i search for one to be 'sexually compatible' with?

Submitted by Anonymous

I too have a high libido level but just happened recently. I want to pull my hair out....it is driving me crazy!!! My husband does not seem interested anymore and I'm afraid that I am going to stray.

Submitted by Anonymous

Don't go pulling that hair out! I know exactly how you feel (except I've always had a high libido). My bf seems so bored with it that he just masturbates me to get it over with (half the time he doesn't even go himself), and I just feel like a nuissance. However, I have strayed in the past for the same reason, and it only caused complication and heartache, and being ALONE with a libido like this SUCKS!!

Submitted by Anonymous

I still see there are no answers posted. I am a man, happily married and for all the reasons above wish I could reduce my libido as well. I wish it would just go away and I could move on to something else. My wife and I would be better matched and that would be very very nice. I'm wandering all over the web and the closest I have come is the suggestion to try antidepressants. I even started reading about the chemical castration used for sex offenders but this doesn't seem right in that I would like to retain all the other male testosterone induced traits- just get rid of the sex drive! Help.

Submitted by Anonymous

Whilst its true that some antidepressants depress libido, the common SSRI's (prozac, effexor, seroxat) can depress orgasm, but not libido, which is not much fun.

Submitted by Anonymous

I can so relate to this women. I too have tried to take antidepressants to slow down my desires and all it did was block my ability to orgasm...but didn't limit my desire at all. I think my high libido had a lot to do with my failed marriage too. Sometimes I feel like I must be a freak or something....and sometimes I wonder if I just have too much testoterone. I can't help it. I am very jealous of women with low libidos....because I would love to focus my energy and attention on more productive pursuits.

Submitted by Anonymous

What a relief!! I was researching in the wrong place, I guess. I was thinking that I might be a sex addict--and still questioning. I also have high libido and it's causing so many problems in my marriage. My husband complies but usually ends up having feelings of inadequacy --which I hate because I don't want him to feel less than or to be hurt! I do too want to "turn this desires/thoughts/wants/need OFF" or at least turn it down!

Submitted by Anonymous

I can totally relate to the woman who wrote this article. I too have an extemely high libido and I hate it. I almost always want to have sex and it is always on my mind. I just want to turn it off, or way down! What should I do and who should I go see??

Submitted by Anonymous

I'm a guy with a high libido. It's very distracting and eats up a lot of my time and attention. I've looked for ways to calm down. So far, the answer is 25% wife and 75% masturbation. For the past few weeks, I've been taking Claritin and pseudoephedrine (12-hour). I don't know which, but one of them is reducing my libido to a manageable level. This isn't really an answer, but it's nice to have some relief.

I've always hoped for some more permanent answer from something like yoga, meditation, or similar (but I've never really tried).

Submitted by Anonymous

Thank you all for sharing this. I felt very alone and abnormal with my problem.

I am a woman with very high libido. I have tried many approaches (even antidepressants) and nothing brings it down. My doctor even dismissed me saying she would be happy to have a libido like mine.

I practice yoga and meditation almost daily but it does not have any effect on my libido. In fact, it makes it worse because I feel better physically after my practice and I feel the desire rush. But I know some people have had success with yoga and meditation. It seems no one has an answer for us. But there must be one out there.

Good luck.

Submitted by Anonymous

I don't know about women, but in a man its partly neurological. If you can't stay zipped up then consider serotonin blockers (clomipramine, fluoxetene).

Submitted by Anonymous

I also have a really high sex drive, which seems to be hereditary in our family. I have tried curbing it with no luck, and now instead I try satisfying it mostly through masturbation. There are a number of great sex toys that help achieve this, and I find that if I have sex or masturbate in the morning this allows me to get through the day without my sex drive bothering me too much, but if I do get aroused or get the opportunity to have sex I take it immediately with great pleasure and feel no guilt as I am only satisfying my urges.

Submitted by Anonymous

I'm a guy and I guess I have the same problem too, I cant satisfy myself enough and it just stays on my mind all the time.

I was also wondering that did anyone used to pleasure themselves before puberty? Because this has bugged me too. Am I the only one this has happened to?

Submitted by Anonymous

There are probably several different reasons for having a high libido.

This is my personal opinion. If you were sexually molested as a child (this in itself will cause sexual awareness at an early age), I believe it will cause children to masturbate before puberty. Also boredom might start a child on this road.

Many of our foods have hormones added to them, which might cause a high libido. In some countries children are developing sexually when they are toddlers, etc. Girls are growing breast and pubic hair, starting their periods and so on. This is believed to be caused by the hormones in the food they eat, or mother eats, which then passes through the milk supply to the child. Certain chemicals like DDT, and other pesticides etc. stay in the bodies fat cells. These then cause hormonal problems in the person who was exposed, their children, and even grandchildren. You can do your own research online on these subjects.

I believe anxiety can cause high libido feelings, or anything that increases the volume of blood in that area of the body, even menstruation, or pregnancy's added preassure to the genital area will cause the libido to be over active. Sometimes sexual orgasm is a way to psychologically comfort oneself, because if feels good to the adult you, or the child in you.

A high testosterone level will also cause women to have high libidos.

When we start to go through the changes, pre-menopause, our estrogen levels go down causing our testosterone level to have a much stronger impact on our libido.

I have tried several things for my libido. These helped, taking estrogen, zoloft, applying ice to my genital area, energy burning exercises (running, dancing),and hard physical labor. I didn't try all of these at the same time, but at different times in my life. Do not wear tight pants or underwear, or sit in positions that will stimulate your genitals or cause and increase in blood flow. Practice redirecting your thoughts, distract yourself, and to what ever degree is right for you and/or your partner enjoy yourself.

Eventually aging will take care of the problem, or blessing depending on who you are and how you are affected by a high libido.

Good Luck!

Submitted by Anonymous

Hello all, I'm a 36 year old male. My 35 year old wife and mother of my 3 year old daughter, has always had a very low sex drive. She had a hesterectomy last year, due to ovarian cists, and the drive is totally gone. Our problem caused us to seperate for 6 months, but I went back home. I was going to have an affair and decided to leave home first. I love my wife and my daughter very much and don't want to leave again. I am considering lowering my drive somehow because I have exhausted all means to raise hers. Whoever said women peak in the 40's and men in the teens have got it backwards!

Submitted by Anonymous

Same here. I am 58, no prostate and wife wants no sex. I would like to take depo-provera, or Androcur or be castrated. All better choices that the sexual tension and frustration that I endure always. I haven't had sex for 15 years and I've been impotent for 5 years. Time for some relief and freedom from hornyness!!!

Submitted by Anonymous

Hi there, and thanks. I identify with you and feel for you. My wife of 21 years has largely lost interest in sex too. She had a breakdown 5 years ago when we were going through a horrendous time of stress. She was in hospital for a year but she is out now and doing much better. One lingering problem is in the area of sex. She was always very reserved sexually, well, frankly rather repressed, but I love her and would never leave her. Since coming home though it has gotten worse. I have to approach her regularly for sex (and she NEVER initiates contact) and cannot manage to get her interested more than once a month at the best. 10 times a year for sex seems a bit low to me. I too have been trying to find a way to lower my sex drive to more closely match hers, which would mean a drop of 90 percent or so. Unfortunately there is almost no information on this, and seems to be no solution. Also when we have sought help and when I have done research on this, it always comes out the same: the man is always the problem. I guess its just something we have to deal with. Face it, in the bedroom women have ALL the power and ALL the say and we have to deal with it the best we can. I will NOT have an affair, I will NOT leave her and our children. I just have to keep working at limiting the frustration as much as I can and coping with things as they are. I remind myself that 10 times a year is better than nothing. That is my only other alternative in the given situation.

Submitted by Anonymous

What a difficult situation. Depo-Provera is not for use in this way and would probably not affect your libido at all. It is a contraceptive injaction for women. There is no safe reliable and tested substance to reduce libido, except the hormone they use for sexual offenders which has unpleasant side effects.

I think it is a bit unfair that your wife's change in libido is seen as your problem. Surely it is a joint problem and one which involves you both. It may be that the situation isn't going to change and you are the one who has to adjust. How will you do that and at what cost?

Submitted by Anonymous

I am in a similar situation. My wife and I have been married less than a year and we have decided to stop her Depo injections. We have been together for about 6 years and after 2 years her sex drive dissipated. After another year it was pretty much gone. I was 22 and she was 21 at this point. I started believing it was my fault and thinking as we got in a more stable situation things would get better. They didn't. I would think, it's all the stress of her job, school, or the wedding planning. Every time we passed a barrier I would invent another reason why she didn't want to have sex. About a year ago sex began to be very painful for her. I asked my wife to talk to her doctor. The doctor told her she just needed to try and have sex more often. This was very difficult and painful for her, and didn't help at all. After we got married I could not find any more reasons for her to not want to have sex (which she agreed with) and started doing some research of my own. I sent her back to the doctor to discuss stopping the Depo. The doctor asked how often we had sex (1-2 times a month) and was very surprised (early 20's newly wed's and all). She prescribed testosterone for her. Four more months went by with no results. The doctor still thinks she doesn't need to stop the Depo! I decided this doctor was an idiot, talked to my wife, and we chose not to continue the injections. Her last shot will wear off in about a month. I just hope it doesn't take another year for her to feel normal again.

Depo-Provera is deadly to relationships. It's got to be the best birth control ever, after all, how can you get pregnant when you never have sex. While I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize my relationship with my wife, I was still VERY frustrated. What made it the hardest was feeling as though I was somehow the cause.

Submitted by Anonymous

I know how you feel. I am 22 and have completely lost my sex drive. I've been on depo for 3 years and I am just now making the connection. Even when I physically want to be intimate with my husband, mentally I don't want to, or vice versa. Not only does depo drastically decrease a woman's libido it also damages the bone.

Submitted by Anonymous

Is there really no safe, reliable way of reducing libido with drugs. I would be very interested to find out. I have a similar problem and would like to temporarily control my libido so that I can concentrate on "less intense" forms of physical contact with my partner without my desires/urges getting in the way and making her feel guilty.

Submitted by Anonymous

I have been on both Depo Provera and Androcur for several years to deal with my wife's lack of sex drive.

First of all, chemical castration is fantastic. Once your sex drive is gone, you quickly forget what all the fuss was about, and the reduction in sexual thoughts is like adding an extra two hours to your day.

Andocur is easier, and more effective, than Depo Provera. Just add 50mg a day to your diet, take it with your vitamins, don't even think about it. It may take about three weeks for it to kick in, and it does so gradually, so you probably won't even notice. You just all the sudden realize one day, "Wow, I haven't thougth about sex for days".

If anyone is suffering from libido problems, i wouldn't hesitate to recommend Androcur. My cock is now limp 24/7 but I've never been happier.

Submitted by Anonymous

Is Androcur a prescription medication? If not, do local pharmacies usually have it? Do you know of any studies done that show potential side effects and their prevalance?

Submitted by Anonymous

please help! im am a 29 year old male who has never had a girl freind. i have been told that i look normal, but it just seems that i live in a parrallel universe where i can see women but never in a situation where it is apropriat or possible to have normal interactions with them. I have tried and tried but even simple hellos and normal greetings are met with dirty looks, hostility and just plain ignored. I have resorted to prostitutes to ocasionaly have sex but needless to say that is extremely risky and expensive. I am sick of wanting something that i can never have, something so close yet utterly untouchable, i just want to be free, and be left alone and not feared or despised just because i am a normal male who wants normal female companionship, sex shouldnt be about skills, games or style or whats cool in mtv it should be just natural on the table above the board adult to adult interaction, but it just seems so steeped in artifice and pretence that i dont even know where to begin. so it leaves me at the end of my rope, im tired and i just want to be free of something i can never satisfy.

Submitted by Anonymous

I am 50, also suffering the effects of my wife's loss of desire, the last year it has gotten worse. I've been a three times a day guy since marriage (if it was OK with her) and she is now down to about 3 times a month that she will climax. Suppression is just about killing me, depression's coming on. I clearly remember the good times we had in the past years and she thinks it's time I acted my age. I give up trying to do all the things she says to do so that she can feel loved and close to me and then sex will be OK again..Every time I make a goal, she moves the goalpost. I'm looking for something I can take to knock out the sex drive; doesn't appear she's going to change. I see some discussion on this here-wondering, if you quit taking this stuff, do you get back to normal?

Submitted by Anonymous

I have been looking for a similar effect also.

I wish for once that people could take this issue seriously. As much as I would like to tell MY wife, "let's just have sex more often", the unhappy truth is that libidos between otherwise happy couples are often mismatched.

In my case, my wife is suffering from 35+ years of diabetic complications, bad circulation, extreme fatigue, and arthritis. She is simply not physically capable of taking me on three times a day as I would prefer. But our relationship is as strong as ever in every other way, and I am not about to cheat on her, get a divorce or any other such thing.

It only makes sense, then, that another perfectly logical way to handle our mismatch in libidos is for me to start consuming a drug or herbal product that lowers MY libido.

So, my heart goes out to you - I would like to find something like that too. In this sexually-supercharged society, it's only cool to see how much sex we can have. Joke or not, just4fun2, it is not just limp guys not satisfying their women. Viagra and similar drugs are largely solving a 'popular' and 'titillating' problem, something that people will giggle at. Can you imagine any company marketing something to cool us men off?

I need one, because I love my wife, and am perfectly willing to have mine lowered to match hers, in order to be happier.

Submitted by Anonymous

My current partner falls in the 2-4% of women who has not orgasmed through any method by any partners means or hers. We have been in therapy for some time now and I am always looking for additional information that may help. I know not to focus on her orgasming. I've turned my focus instead to reducing my libido to better meet her sexual needs and reduce any anxiety caused by our differences in libido. She likes sexual contact such as massages, hugging, kissing, and cuddling. At times she really likes to press genitals together. That is the extent of her interests. Obviously not the extent of mine. She has a strong aversion to oral sex and 2nd person masturbation as this makes her feel subservient. Neither intercourse or oral sex give her pleasure. There is no history of sexual abuse within her childhood.

I need to know if there are suggestions or practices I could adopt to reduce my libido. Herbs? I have tried serious fatigue and don't eat meat due to possible hormone content. I definately perform in a high stress atmosphere and have little time for exercise. The only other libido decreasers I've come across are alcoholism, Zinc deficiency, and Vitamin A deficiency. None of these are healthy. I would love to nurture her needs to my best ability but feel I am in constant conflict with my hormones. It's not so much my hormones even. I have masturbated prior to social contact with her and am still quite aroused a from just lying next to her when she's half naked.

Suggestions?

Submitted by Anonymous

I saw a version of this question in this same forum, but am asking for advice instead from a female perspective. I'm single, and because of my morals am simply unable to be sexual with anyone I don't have feelings for.

I'm trying to become comfortable with it, but I find myself aroused continuously. Masturbation doesn't seem to cut it. I've read that decrease in libido is a side effect of many medications, and I'm wondering what medications I could possibly look into taking to help. It may not be very healthy, but I don't think there's anything healthy about unrequited arousal, either.

Submitted by Anonymous

You seem to be describing arousal rather than libido, and you say that masturbation does not reduce it. This makes me wonder if you might have a hormonal imbalance here. I think you should consult a doctor and investigate it further. If you are out of balance and get it straightened out that will fix it.

Whilst it is true that some medications reduce libido, they also tend to have other side effects! This is not a course of action I would recommend without medical advice.

Submitted by Anonymous

Hi

My husband also had an abundance of hormones, speak to your doctor. Over load of hormones is not just with women. Men can to.

Submitted by Anonymous

I think the question was, how does one go about reducing their libido, when physical, sexual desires arise but are not welcome. That's an alien question in a society looking for way to INcrease libido. But not everyone has the desire (morally) to masturbate or have the intention to have sex just for the sake of relieving a sexual hunger. So: How does one go about reducing their libido (sexual apetite). Are there any safe ways to do that?

Submitted by Anonymous

Hi everyone, I've read about alot of people whose spouses suddenly stopped wanting to have sex, and they've all asked if there was a drug to decrease their libido so they wouldn't think about it anymore. So, I was wondering if there is any drug out there that serves to decrease libido (sex drive). Does anyone know? Thanks!

Submitted by Anonymous

Is there also a drug which can help decrease libido for women?

Submitted by Anonymous

I am a single , Jehovah's Witness. I have been celebate since 1992 because of my Bible based beliefs. What has worked best for me in controlling my sexual desires is prayer and a good salad. Lettuce contains something in it that cools desire. The word is lactosomething. What I do know is that it has worked wonderfully, it's cheap, and good for you too. Try it during "flareups" and see if it does not work for you. I wish you well.

Submitted by Anonymous

My wife and I have been married for nearly 12 years. The last seven years has been very irregular in the sex department, sometimes being as many as 22 weeks between sexual encounters. On average, we have sex about every 10-12 weeks. We are both 44 years old and in good health. My wife has indicated to me that she has no desire for sex. She is usually too tired, her back aches, or she'll promise me sex and then doesn't fulfill her promise. I find that the constant turn down is very frustrating and long for the intimacy and passion that we once had. When we have sex, I make certain there is plenty of foreplay and that she is well lubricated. She seems to have a climax when we have sex. I can never get her to have sex with any type of frequency. I can track on a calendar nearly down to the day when she might be receptive to my sexual advances. We have discussed the issue extensively and she freely admits she has no libido. I bought her some supplement vitamins once that were supposed to increase her desire but it only made her mad (those were mis-marketed). I had heard a family story about her grandmother who shut off grandpa ( so grandpa had a mistress for years) and I wonder if her lack of desire may be hereditary. I find that I have a strong libido and desire sex often, at least a couple times a week but I would settle for the national average of married couples of once a week. My problem is I tend to get short on patience and easily irritable if I do not have sex or masterbate. The lack of sex effects my self esteem and my whole outlook on life. I find myself masterbating in private to relieve the stress and to achieve some limited sexual satisfaction. It has worked for me for a number of years until recently. Now I find myself masterbating more and more frequently and achieving less and less satisfaction. It has become nearly a daily ritual in the shower or any place where I have some privacy (car, tool shed, 3 a.m. in the bathroom) and when my wife is gone for a few days, I spend all my free time masterbating, as much as 3-4 even 5 times a day. I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated with my sexual situation. There are all these great drugs for erectile dysfunction, but is there something that would tone it down or take away my sexual desire altogether? We have a very good relationship except for the sex (the lack thereof)and I fear that the sexual barren aspect of our relationship will eventually drive us apart or lead me to seek a partner other than my wife. I have given the situation a lot of thought, and the conclusion I've reached is that the sex needs to become a non-issue, ie no desire, no sex, no frustration, everybody lives happily everafter. I am willing to to take an anti-testosterone drug if one exists and has limited side effects. I certainly don't want to lose muscle mass or grow breasts or ingest something that has permanent effects. It would certainly be nice not to have nearly daily erections.

Submitted by Anonymous

Hey! I totally understand your pain... I'm 33 years old and I've been married for 10 years. I've been feeling the exact same way you have for the entire 10 years of my marriage. Besides the sexual issues, my marriage is wonderful. From time to time, I wanted to change my wants and desires, but there's nothing out there besides counseling. We may have sex once or twice a week (More like once), but I see that it's not enough! From what I read, no one has given you a good answer. Getting a mistress isn't going to help your situation. I tried that! It only complicated things. You're not alone on your quest! I'm right there with you (I'm sure there's a lot more of us) trying to find that balance.

Submitted by Anonymous

I'm 25. I've been with my wife for 4 years. Last year we had intercourse 11 times. This year, so far to end of October, 4 times. Other than that situation, a good relationship. I need to make sex a non-issue. Remembering her rejections, anger towards my desiring her, and just looking for a way to feel something like rejected or hated or shameful or unwanted, are the only things I've found to help. I wish there was a way to have no desire at all, anti-viagra would be great. I'm ready to give it up permanently. Please undestand, I love my wife dearly, and would never want to leave her or cheat on her including masturbating, I will never do those things. She loves me too, I know she does, she tells me all the time with words, hugs, and kisses, concern and caring. If anybody finds a very good way, besides surgery, to stop the innate physiological desire for sex, Please post it. Thank you.

Submitted by Anonymous

I know that most of you will think this is crazy or that Im kidding but Im not. I wanna quit masturbating because its against my beliefs but I find it really hard to quit. Are there any herbs, supps, noots, or tips that you know of that can kill my sex drive? I dont want it to kill my sex drive forever, just until I get married.

Submitted by Anonymous

Take a serotonin precursor like 5-HTP from (50-100mg) with a vitamin B complex in the evening, 1 hour before bed. Also consider a magnesium and a calcium supplement along with a potent multi-vitamin/mineral. Take fish oil (2-4G daily) and borage oil (1-2G) with your meals. You should *really* exercise your body, - this is IMO really underrated in treating any imbalances, - especially in this context, - you should after a while experience the "natural high" depending on your serotonin -> endorphins production in relation to your cardio exercise. You will need to calm down your adrenals.

Submitted by Anonymous

That's an excellent point, and I wished I had remembered it. True licorice, Glycyrrhiza glabra root should be available in any herbal store in any major city centre. unless I'm just spoiled, and can be ground into a tea, or you could try capping some supplements. I would say get a tea ball (if you don't have one already) and enjoy it. Some commercially available teas are available.

Submitted by Anonymous

Yep, I just recently noticed that the Rhodiola that Im taking is a bit similar to an SSRI. Ive been on the Rhodiola for the fast couple of weeks or more and I just recently noticed in the past few days that it has diminished my sex drive. Not as good at killing the libido as the Paxil CR was that I briefly took for social anxiety, but pretty close. I can control the urge much easier now. The only problem is that it makes me slightly insane in the same way that the Paxil CR did. Im guessing that my mind doesnt like serotonin increases. I literally feel insane and have really weird thoughts when my serotonin levels are increased. 5-htp makes me nuts also. However I like the dopamine increase that I have gotten from Rhodiola. I can go on little sleep when I need to and feel slightly wired. The funny thing is that the thing I dislike most about this stuff is that it must be blocking the living hell out of my cortisol supplies cause I did a 4 hour sleep deprivation a couple days ago and I woke up feeling completely normal. Normally when I wake up on 4 hours of sleep I feel super-relaxed and doped up on cortisol. I was pissed. I guess its a small price to pay though. Sleep dep. is one of my favorite tricks for my anxiety. Im gonna keep taking the Rhodiola and weigh the pros and cons. I might end up getting off of it. Although Im border-line insane on this stuff it has lowered my stress levels pretty good.

Submitted by Anonymous

That's a very good question. I was just about to post something like your question. I wish I could control my sex drive (and sleep for that matter...) like an on/off switch. I am 23 years old and only for about 3 weeks in my life have I had a girlfriend (about two years ago). Most people got drunk and partied in high school and college, I just studied all the time. I never feel any cases of sexual attraction at work. I am an engineer so I am surrounded by men and married women, none which I find attractive. I don't have the time to engage in activities with the specific intention of meeting women -- not direct enough for me. I know there is porn on the Internet, but I stay away from it as I know it will lead to nothing good and only waste my time. So I want to kill my sex drive because it does absolutely nothing productive for me (ironic, I know). Maybe someday if I meet a woman and there arises a need for it again, fine, but for now, if I had the choice of losing it forever or keeping things as they are now, I would become asexual. Actually, I think a relationship would be much more sincere, perhaps boring, but definitely more honest if sex were removed entirely.

Sex drive is just too much of a distraction and it serves no purpose to help me fulfill my goals. I don't think I even want to have kids. And if I decided that I wanted kids, I would probably adopt as the world already has enough people. I dispute the "healthy" benefits of sexual activity as I believe regular cardio exercise can be more beneficial given the same amount of time. There is also the physical and mental negative benefits associated with reproductive functions. So I would like to kill my sex drive, but I see no way of doing it without possible health risks.

Anyway, it would be nice if I could recapture some of the lost overhead associated with my reproductive functions so that I could align myself more closely to the goals which really matter to me...not baby-making...there are plenty of people who have this as their only accomplishment in life...I want to work on something a little more important and less common...not to sounds like an elitist, but it's about supply and demand. Currently we have too much supply (babies) and not enough demand (high unemployment).

By the way, best way to kill sex drive -- think of your grandmother or mom :-)

Submitted by Anonymous

Haha holy crap i deal with this same problem. It is the most addicting thing in the world, i started at a young age and it definantly effects your quality of life. I stopped for long periods of time in periods of my life (im only 21) but just recently the problem has sprung up again (no pun intended) I would suggest what Kenj said and keep it to once or twice a week. Its unhealthy to not masturbate for long periods of time. It is even said to be natural for males to release once a week, so change your religion immediatly, just pray to god or run very fast.

Submitted by Anonymous

any there any such supplements to decrease sexual drive. i know this is an unorthodox question and there are a lot of supplements to do the opposite but it's just too damn strong. i don't get chicks so i just want to suppress the urges so i don't feel so bad every damn day. i'm 5'11", 187lbs. and 19 yrs old. thanks to anyone that can help. peace

Submitted by Anonymous

Maybe he just can't. Its not all that simple for some people. Or maybe he has a frigid bitch like I do. I was interested in this too, because I do not want to cheat on my wife, yet I cannot keep up with my sex drive. ( I hate jacking off. It makes me feel cheap and dirty)

Submitted by Anonymous

I am an 33 year old virgin and I can't find a girlfriend. I just don't want to deal with sexual frustration any more. Does anyone know of any kind of supplement I can take to stop sexual desire?

Submitted by Anonymous

people say m1t drops your libido, i think they are crazy, i have more sex and been more horny while on my cycle than ever before, i'm talkin like 5 or 6 times a day of sex (well days i have off from work) its insane!!!

Submitted by Anonymous

i agree with low carbs and hardcore dieting, it kills ur libido. caffeine and ephedrine .

Submitted by Anonymous

oooh, I am sorry... the same thing has happened to me.... I am at my PEAK! :o) Apparently, for you ,as your estrogen and progesterone levels have dropped, your testosterone levels haven't.... You possibly might try some herbal remedies, I have heard that long term usage of vitex herb puts a damper on desire. Have you tried toys? :o) I am sorry it is a bummer for you...my boyfriend also whines, but he's okay with it.

Submitted by Anonymous

I have a sex addiction and I just can't stop thinking about it. I think about sex 99% of the day. I can't get any work done and have received several reprimands for poor job performance. I'm afraid I'll be fired. My husband has a low sex drive and only agrees to sex about once a week. I am considering having affairs with several men at the office, but I don't want to ruin my family (I have three young children).

What help is there for this problem that doesn't involve prescription drugs or bad side-effects?

Submitted by Anonymous

I think I just may have an overactice libido. Cus it seems I want sex a whole lot more than my boyfriend does! He loves having sex with me. But most of the time, i'm the one demanding it, and not just that but, I demand it multiple times a night.

See, unfortunately now, he can't seem to have sex as many times a night as he used to. Now it's only once or twice. And I'm lucky to be able to get him hard twice.

Am I maybe being over demanding? We aren't having sex every night... we don't yet live together. So it's whenever he's over.... maybe 2 nights a week.

I know i'm probably being over demanding. But If I can't have an awesome sexual experience with him when I want one, I get really really frustrated. I have to let out that built up sexual tension somehow... but I prefer him to masturbating... if he's there. So it makes me seem selfish. Perhaps I am being selfish in this situation.

It's not that I have to have an orgasm during sex. I just either want an orgasm period... or to have an awesome time during sex.

Am I way too demanding? Or are all girls this horny?

Submitted by Anonymous

i have a sttrong sexual drive that is destroying my relationship and takes over 75% of my day. i find it hard to divert my thoughts, even at work. this also is accompanied with physical pressure in my groin if not released and long lasting erections. ideally i would ejaculate about every hour, because after that i feel pressure mounting. this obviously cannot factor into a normal person's life! is there a way to diminish my drive?

Submitted by Anonymous

you may have a sexual compulsion disorder...they DO have sex addicts anonymous,and a step- program. Go see your doc & let him know its interfering w/ your work and personal life. good luck to you.

Submitted by Anonymous

apparantly people who are very active .. play a lot of sport have higher libido's but I'm not sure about your situation.. it seems a little extreme....I would say i have a high libido... but every hour is a lot... people are different though... some consider sex three times a day alot others it is nothing...if its affecting your work i would see someone about it.

Submitted by Anonymous

I am in the same situation as you, mind you I think about sex about 98% of the time. What do you do to keep your mind from focusing on it.

For me, it is really starting to cause me problems. Good thing, I am not a man, I would be walking around with a hardon all the time, instead of feeling puddles in my pants all the time. Sometimes at lunch I have to run home and change my panties. My doctor put me back on birth control and prescribed me a drug to control my severe urges. I have been taking them for two days and I don't think they are working yet. The doctor also said there is something like mild shock treatment, have you been told anything about it.

Have you even gone to a doctor about it? I did and I was so embarrassed.

He told me that there are sexual addcition groups like the 12 step program, but I am not about to do that just yet, if ever.I really know what you are going thru, and trust me it is not fun.

At least not for me, being wound up all the time. I work with a gorgeous co-worker and I am really scared that one day, I will seriously hurt him since I am horny all the time.

Submitted by Anonymous

Are you looking at material that would be considered erotic while you relieve the pressure? Are you thinking about your significant other? The reason I ask is that there are people that I know that are compulsive porn addicts that have told me that's where it started, and progressed to a similar situation that you are in. They are always fantasising about other people, not their S/O. I do understand to an extent how a high libido can really affect a relationship. I was in one... just not as bad as yours.

Submitted by Anonymous

I am seeing my doctor tommorow for an exam and will bring it up. i found it interesting that someone had said tey knew of this situation coming from a porn addiction, because when i was single i watched a lot...i guess....and now i have tried to stop as est i can out of respect to our relationship, (she hates it!) but this intense desire comes regardless of visual stimulation. (it is increased by it though). if i hold off and do not releive myself then my mind starts getting very hard to focus and i am easily angered, very different than my normal personality, and i can't control my short temper. if i were paired up with someone like midnight magic, we would never leave the house!!! is there medication for this, or just counseling?

Submitted by Anonymous

I am a 31 year old man addicted to pornography. I have prayed for help with this problem but I can't seem to stop. It has destroyed my relationship and career. Is there anything out there to help me lower or eliminate my sex drive so I can have my life back?

Submitted by Anonymous

I know you hear all the time about loss of libido, but my god I feel like a teenager. I want sex all the time, morning, noon or night. I can't get it out of my head, I feel like some sort of whacky sex driven crazy person. Anybody else have this??

Submitted by Anonymous

I desperately need help. My husband is oversexed; extremely oversexed; 7-8 times a day with me and then 2-6 times a day masturbating. This is causing tremendous problems with us.

Is there a herb that will decrease his libido?

He denies a problem. I am disabled with a bad back and the muscle and nerve in my leg all give me a great deal of pain; he does not seem to care; all he cares about is the sex.

Submitted by Anonymous

I am bombarded with ads and advice columns about help for low libido. I have the exact opposite problem and I can't find any help.

I am in my mid 40s and I have such a high libido that it is causing problems in my marriage. Is there any kind of therapy, drug or herb that can lower libido? This problem is just as real and possibly more important to marriages than a lack of libido.

Submitted by Anonymous

My overactive sex drive is ruining my relationship with my wife. I need to have sex 4-5 times a day but my wife only wants it once a week. It is a cause of friction and great frustration. How can I lower my libido so that my wife and I are in balance?

Submitted by Anonymous

I am a Christian who believes in abstinence before marriage. But my fiance is pressing me for sex and it is driving him crazy. I am afraid he will leave me but I cannot betray my faith. I just need to find something to lower his sex drive temporarily.

 

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